i just wanna soil my oats bro
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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