An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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