Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I think my moral compass just broke
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
