i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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