Im at strip club and am horny
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
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