I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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