it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
