Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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