I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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