That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
