A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
