Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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