I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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