found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
My balls are so social today.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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