Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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