1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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