yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
