my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize