if you like me you must not know who I am
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
