I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
