Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
