if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
