turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
