My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
