There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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