but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
