Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
