His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
God, I missed his penis.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
