she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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