Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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