Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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