So drunk its hurt
My pussy is not your playground.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
