apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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