If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
