....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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