wanna go halves on a baby?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
