We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
