Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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