4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
