Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
