Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
