I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
she pinky promised me she was 18
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
