so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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