Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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