Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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