I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
