i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
