she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
