as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
