i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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