Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
