Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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