8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
