I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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