I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
