I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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