I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
