I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
