Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
