I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize