There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
